I bought some Mandelic Acid and Gly-Luronic Acid Serum to use on my face. I also paid all the monies for that Dr. Gross Acid Peel Pads kit, which came with a free sample of Ferulic Acid and Retinol Serum (or something?). It’s not that I have skin problems I want to address. It’s more that I want 2014 to be a year of excessive and ritualistic grooming.
XXXX probably should have made time to hang out today, but it’s ok that he didn’t because some guy at the grocery store said I looked cute and he liked my sweater and hair. The only thing I bought was a $12 pint of Jeni’s ice cream, because the firm is reimbursing me today and fuck it. I’m sated on all fronts now.
Every time “we’re just friends” has left my mouth this year, it’s been a lie.
Double Decker, 3.5”x5”
Back in your father’s arms when he said to you that you could do anything you want to, when he looked into your eyes he knew you believed it. Do you remember what you wanted to be then? Well I want to be the one that makes you feel like you could be that thing again. Hair in a sloppy knot, ratty t-shirt on, your singing all the words to your favorite songs. When you looked into my eyes I knew you believed it. Do you remember what I said to you then? When you feel sad I want to be the one that sings the song stuck in your head. Yeah I want to sing the song that makes you forget everything that made you sad.
After calling the cops at 7 in the morning, I was basically non-functional. I went to the park and listened to the New Yorker fiction podcast all afternoon. Then XXXX came over, then we went to his place and he brushed my hair for like two hours. I went back home because I missed the kitten and taking care of her is the only decent ritual I have. I haven’t told XXXX what’s wrong and don’t intend to, but I just popped a Xanax and he’s coming back over now (at 11 at night). It’s been so beautiful out, I keep getting sunburned but that’s ok for a little bit longer.
"It seemed my whole life was composed of these disjointed fractions of time, hanging around in one public place and then another, as if I were waiting for trains that never came. And, like one of those ghosts who are said to linger around depots late at night, asking passerby for the timetable of the Midnight Express that detailed twenty years before, I wandered from light to light until that dreaded hour when all the doors closed and, stepping from the world of warmth and people and conversation overheard, I felt the old familiar cold twist through my bones again and then it was all forgotten, the warmth, the lights; I had never been warm in my life, ever."
The Secret History (via wjtchprincess)